The Whole Truth
You can ask any woman; she'll inevitably tell you that she's had some experience with men who thought they knew it all, or at least pretended to, but were sorely lacking. I'm not necessarily talking about their sexual prowess either. Many men are frightfully undereducated about their own bodies and sexuality, not to mention those of the opposite sex. This is the result of an upbringing in the sexual "dark age", where teenaged boys were fed a healthy diet of misinformation, if any at all. The best example of this that I can think of comes from a good male friend of mine who confided that his sexual education, or lack thereof, was drawn from his misguided older brother. He relates that he was told all about "69", which wasn't altogether correct, but what was even more interesting is the fact that his brother then went on to describe for him a whole repertoire of other sexual positions and situations, that were also assigned numerical designations. So when my friend finally lost his virginity to a woman that already had some experience, she had a hearty belly chuckle after he expressed interest in performing a "327". After witnessing her reaction, he thought better than to pursue a "223".
Although this particular scenario is probably rare as far as a sexual education goes, misinformation is likely the main reason for sexual problems later on in life. Unfortunately, there are so many men that are brought up to believe a multitude of myths regarding male and even female sexuality. This misinformation often leads to insecurities, anxieties, sexual avoidance, and all too often, poor performance. Don't get me wrong; men aren't the only victims of misinformation, however, since this is a men's magazine, we'll try to demystify some of the myths that you guys have grown up believing.
READY, WILLING, AND ABLE
Men tend to buy into the myth that they are expected to become hard at any moment's notice, and ready to make love as soon as the opportunity presents itself. They expect that they should become aroused and stand at attention upon merely seeing a naked woman. This is due in part to the memory of seething hormones in their teenaged years when even a fleeting thought was enough to stretch their boxer shorts. As well, the media, whether it be films (not necessarily porno), magazines, novels, the internet or television all portray male lovers as being very well built, well endowed, always on the ready, and chock full of vigor and stamina. Being exposed to all these myths puts an enormous amount of pressure on men to fit in and perform. The media somehow always manage to show beautiful people engaged in the perfect liaison. The truth of the matter is that normal average everyday people are neither exclusively beautiful, nor are they likely ready at a moment's notice to have the ideal storybook sexual encounter. In real life, variables such as age, desire for sex, fatigue, stress, family situation and employment situation all play a huge role. Guys, if you've bought into the myth, consider this: have you ever met a woman that is ready, willing, and able to have sex at the drop of a hat? Everybody needs some stimulation, whether it be physical or mental, to boost their desire. If it happens that you're not in the mood at any given time, it's not considered to be a crime. Should your woman have a problem with it, ask her for oral sex the next time she comes home from a root canal, and that'll be the end of that.
WOMEN DONT ENJOY SEX AS MUCH AS MEN
This one is only a partial myth. As far as picking up some total stranger in a bar, taking him home fifteen minutes later and having her way with him goes, then yes, women don't enjoy that kind of experience as much as men do. Men are more able to completely separate sex and emotions, and can thoroughly take pleasure in a purely physical encounter, whereas most women need to connect mentally before they can explore the physical. The myth part comes in once the woman has made some kind of emotional connection. When a woman is emotionally committed to a man, the sexual aspect of her relationship is a completion of the total picture, and she will crave it. As long as she feels she has a measured control of her sexual situation, feels secure and loved, trust me, her juices will be flowing almost anytime you want it.
INTERCOURSE IS THE ONLY REAL FORM OF SEX
Although intercourse is very enjoyable, it is by no means the only legitimate form of sex, unless of course, you happen to be Bill Clinton. Not only do men believe that intercourse is the be all and end all, but they also believe that, for some reason or another, if they haven't achieved an orgasm, even through intercourse, then they haven't even had sex. Unless you happen to be a member of the animal kingdom, you are capable of a multitude of emotions that under normal circumstances should come into play during lovemaking. If you really desire to connect with your partner, the intimacy rather than the orgasm should be the real goal. It shouldn't matter how you arrive at that intimacy, whether it be through oral sex, mutual masturbation, intercourse or even just cuddling (I know, like fingernails on a blackboard to some of you). The bottom line is that any form of sexual activity is exactly that. In regard to your definition of sex, you can try to identify with Slick Willie, or you can be honest with yourself and admit that the moment any private part sees the light and skin contacts skin, a sexual act has taken place.
THE MAN IS RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAPPENS DURING SEX
Not only do men buy into this myth, but most women do too. Most men take it upon them selves to "make sure she comes", and are very disappointed when and if she doesn't. Men feel that it's their task as "the man" to be very sexually knowledgeable and put it upon their shoulders to provide the pleasure for their partners. I've heard many women recount their first experience where both parties were virgins, and the man/boy often asks (after ejaculation) "did you come?" Imagine, this, after a first experience that may have lasted all of ninety seconds in some cases. Surprisingly, the more experienced the lover, the greater a concern it becomes. This "responsibility" or pressure has been imposed on men at a very early age, and the irony is that it's been imposed by other men. If you went to a job interview and they informed you that your job description contained certain responsibilities that were beyond your control, would you be eager to take on that kind of pressure?
Men and women have to understand that each individual is wholly responsible for his or her own sexual pleasure. The onus is on the individual to verbally or physically express his or her needs and desires, so that satisfaction can be realistically achieved. All women are created similarly, but are not identical models, and neither are men for that matter. As such, while one person may enjoy a firm touch, another may prefer a light caress. One woman may prefer oral sex to intercourse, while another might opt for doggie style penetration with manual manipulation of her clitoris. The point is: if she doesn't tell you, and you're not a clairvoyant, how are you supposed to know what she wants? Likewise, if you want her to touch you in a specific manner, then tell her, or even better, show her. What I'm saying is don't put expectations on yourself that are unrealistic and unfair, and don't let her expect you to read her mind. If you want to have good sex with a woman, even the very first time, develop your communication skills and find out the job description before you punch the clock.
Just as you would hope to have the best education possible, you should strive to be as knowledgeable as you can about sex, the opposite sex, and your own sexuality in an effort to avoid some of the discomfort, disadvantage, and uneasiness that comes with being unaware. I urge you to read as much about sexuality as you can, to discuss sexuality with your partner and your friends, and to generally become enlightened. With knowledge comes power, and it's only with great power that you will have successfully achieved becoming a great lover.
