FEMALE SEXUAL DESIRE DEMYSTIFIED - HOW TO GET HER ENGINE REVVING
When you were a child, do you remember the excitement you experienced when, strolling down the aisles of the grocery store, you were able to convince your parents to buy a box of Count Chocula cereal? Now fast forward a few years and think about when you moved into your first apartment. When you went out to buy your first grocery order, what was the first thing you bought? Yep, that very same cereal. You probably ate it at every available meal. Why? Because you liked it, and you could - it was available. After a while, you can expect that eating your cereal kind of loses its appeal, unless you find ways to keep it new and exciting. Why do you think cereal manufacturers show photos of their products adorned with assorted fruits on the box front?
Initially, in the beginning of a marriage or relationship, the sex is like lava; hot and lots of it. You know what I'm talking about; just listening to your partner's voice on the phone is enough to make you horny. This honeymoon phase is very titillating and very exciting, but inevitably, not permanent. Eventually, devouring your partner's body on a daily basis like it was cheesecake becomes, well, a bit like cereal. That doesn't mean to say that you don't love your partner, or that you're less turned on by her, but rather you've settled into a more realistic phase, complete with time restraints and daily regimental restrictions.
Being involved or married and having a fulfilling sexual relationship is very much the same. It requires constant work for both partners to maintain the same level of interest that they shared when the relationship was new. In fact, low sexual desire is the number one sexual problem reported to sex therapists these days. Sexually speaking, this is more relevant to females than it is for males, and there are a multitude of possible causes, including: stress, fatigue, job demands, kids, and other assorted responsibilities. For many, by the time bedtime rolls around, the last thing on their minds is sex. Since this is a publication for men, you of course will be concerned about how to ensure that your woman will be in the mood more often. That's right, as a woman, and out of the goodness of my own heart, I am going to clue you in on how and why a woman's psyche works the way it does. Firstly, it's important to take a look at female sexual desire, and how it differs greatly from that of a male. To be more successful with women, sexually speaking, you'll first have to understand how she thinks and why she thinks it. With knowledge comes power, and you're striving to be the great and powerful partner.
Women cannot be evaluated in the same way as men because when it comes to sexual desire, unlike men (I suspect you might already have an inkling about this), women have a lower biological urge to be sexual for release of tension. For the most part, a womans motivation or willingness for sex stems from other positive factors that may not even be sexual. These factors may be more important to her than fulfilling a biological urge. Men, on the other hand, tend to experience their desire as independent of context; more of an unbiased evolutionary urge to spread their seed.
The traditional model of the human sexual response cycle begins with desire, followed by arousal, leading to orgasm, and finally, resolution. In the case of men, often two additional steps can be expected; rolling over and sleeping. For some reason, these are often favored at the expense of the dreaded cuddle. In any case, women usually fit this model at the beginning of a relationship, but within a long-term partnership, this model can change, usually coinciding with other factors mentioned earlier such as stress and fatigue. At this point, they reach a stage where, rather than having frequent spontaneous sexual interest, they find themselves feeling more neutral, and will look for triggers to ignite their desire, which at this point is responsive rather than spontaneous. This does not mean that she won't experience spontaneous desire in the form of sexual thoughts, dreams or fantasies; it's just that when the opportunity arises for partner sex, she may be back at the neutral position. From a vehicular standpoint, if your car is in a neutral position, you've got to be able to put it into gear if you want to go anywhere. From a human standpoint, if a woman is in a neutral position, it doesn't mean she has a desire problem. Most women, regardless of how much sexual activity they are involved in, will say that they are sexually functional and quite satisfied. Satisfaction is the operative word here, as there is quite a difference between being in a neutral position and having no desire.
It is important to understand that for many women, sexual arousal and desire happen at the same time - once the woman has made the conscious choice to engage in sex. The reason for her choosing to have sex may be based on needs other than the desire to experience physical sexual arousal or pleasure. It may be out of a desire just to be close to her partner, to please him (and herself in the process), for affection, love, and a sense of emotional bonding. In a nutshell, she's looking for the intimacy. Unfortunately, a high percentage of men can and / or want sex at a moment's notice. You know the old line, "A stiff penis has no conscience"?. Women, for the most part, don't work like that at all. This doesn't mean to say that there isn't a woman on the planet that wants to have sex just for the sake of pure physical pleasure. However, the women that are in long term relationships or marriages, complete with the responsibilities of children and household, probably don't have sex listed as their number one priority.
So how do you go about putting sex back toward, if not the top of the priority list? Well, now that you understand the dynamic of the neutral position, it's important to work on getting her out of it, all the while accepting your part in the situation, be it good or bad. Sexual desire is a couple issue, so the existence or lack of it is your responsibility too. Try to understand what she may be going through. You may not understand it because you don't suffer from a lack of desire, but you need to try. Ask her questions without harassing her. All you want to do is listen to her and try to understand what's going on in her head. Listen to her without offering advice. It might not be easy to do while she's expressing her fears or her pain, but if you just offer her your ears and shoulders, she'll be warmed by your acceptance.
It may be hard to resist, especially if you haven't had it in a while, but don't bug her with sexual demands, even if you're thinking "it'll never happen if I don't". Putting that pressure on her will simply cause her to withdraw rather than want to come closer to you. She will feel attacked and avoid you. Learn to live with your erection. Your first reflex when faced with a strong erection is probably to relieve the sexual tension, which is fine, but it's not your partner's responsibility. If masturbation really was an unnatural activity, you wouldn't have been born with two arms, each of them long enough to reach your Johnson.
So now that we've covered how to keep yourself in check, what can you do to ensure that she'll be more receptive on a night when making mad passionate love to yourself doesn't sound all that appealing? The following is a recipe for success in the bedroom, if you remain patient and sincere:
Learn to touch her without automatically thinking of something sexual. By merely caressing her (hair, cheeks, shoulders, back) you are demonstrating intimacy and tenderness, and she will automatically feel closer to you. Let her retain ownership of her body. It's perfectly normal to want to touch and caress her; you love her after all, but if she gets the impression every time you touch her that you want to make love to her, she will begin to think that all you want is her body. Let her know that you want her mind and her heart as well.
Spend time together just talking about you, about your relationship. Pay attention to the intimacy in your couple.
Take her out for dinner once in a while, go to a show, a movie, a club, anything that you would do if you were in a dating mode. Plan a romantic evening or better yet, a weekend away in a cozy inn. She will be thrilled that you took the initiative to do something for your couple. You can really score bonus points by placing a single flower on her pillow, running a warm bath for her, or leaving a sweet note lying around.
Express your emotions. Your partner will be very touched to hear you share your feelings.
Spoil her and let her know how much you appreciate her and how important she is to you.
Make it a rule to spend at least fifteen minutes of uninterrupted time together each day. If that's not possible to do face-to-face, then do it by telephone.
Say "I love you" everyday.
Try to go to bed together at the same time, even if you don't want to have sex.
Offer her a massage (without immediately going for the breasts please).
I promise that you will be pleasantly surprised by how receptive your woman will become if you follow some or all of these suggestions. She will feel loved, respected and appreciated, all of which will be an immense turn on for her. Essentially, all you will have done is treat her like you would like to be treated yourself, like a human being.
